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A work friend made me laugh the other day. He said, when his mom wants him to find something online, she says, “google it up.” It’s like “look it up,” but not in a book — on the Internets machine!

You know how it works. That little box in the top right corner of your web browser, the one that says Google — that’s where you type in what you’re looking for. You press enter, and presto – you get a list of websites that best meet your keywords.

A lot of people end up at my blog this way. Some on purpose, some by accident. Those who get here on purpose, for example, enter terms like: St. John’s mommy blogger, funny mom blogs, Vicki Murphy blog, stuff like that. I didn’t just make those examples up; on my Google Analytics account, I can see exactly what visitors to my website are googling. Don’t worry, I don’t know who you are, but I can see what you crazy bastards are looking for when you wind up at motherblogger.ca and it is motherbloggin’ hilarious.

Go put on a diaper because this list is about to blow the piss right out of you. These are some of the search terms googled by visitors to this ‘ere blog luh. And take note: the following is rated R for Raunchy and PG for Pretty Gross. But remember – I am simply reporting the list of search terms. I don’t even know what half of these things mean, I swear…

St. John’s mommy blogger

Funny mom blogs

Squirrel in your mouth on fire

Tit mom

Son and his friends mom milf provide lemon juice

What is price of lofty mountain grandeur

Vagina tits

Saggy old vagina

Some kids are ugly

Proud sailor mom

Saggy bladder

Pasty white asshole

Penis dummy tit pic

My boyfriend fucked my sister and mother turbo

Mother in sperm ass

My nans massive ass

Mooning from a bus

Milf bent over ass

Mom fucking and taking something big and long

Mom ass fun

Man with boobs wig bra

Male swimmers pubes showing

Magical milfs

Human shaped body pillow

I’m Mexican and my wife is white could our baby have jaundice

Jumbo tits babes

Flapjack ugly faces

Ginger big boobs no bra

Flapjack ugly faces

Communist retro chic

Dog wife

Blogger anal maxi dilation

Brave little brothers wallpaper

Change husband’s diaper

Carrot top 1993

Baby shower cakes vagina

Beef stroking off

Naughty chair slipper

Oh yeah give it to me

Pasty white ass

What. In. The. Mother. From these terms, I draw three conclusions:

1. I have a potty mouth. Google is matching the search terms to the content of my blog, so obviously there are some similarities.

2. Google is great, but seriously – “Flapjack ugly faces”? When have I ever said anything remotely like that (except for last night when I was googling freaky pancake ideas)?

3. There are a lot of weirdos out there, and some of them are you. And filling this post with these terms again is gonna bring even more of you here. Ah well. All weirdos welcome. Except for the sicko who googled “change husband’s diaper.” Not cool.

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